I WAS OUT OF THE MILITARY FOR TWO AND A HALF YEARS ,
AND HAD MANAGED TO STAY SOBER FOR 9 MONTHS,
BUT
LIFE HAD REALLY STARTED TO SPIRAL OUT OF CONTROL.
SOBRIETY HAD MADE IT PAINFULLY CLEAR THAT LEAVING THE ARMY WITHOUT PLANS AFTER, WAS THE WORST DECISION EVER...

Moving back in with mum,
bouncing from many jobs, courses, living situations,
failing many businesses,
and trying to
"work out what I want to do",
was really taking its toll,
both emotionally and financially.

I decided to go on course.
"This will give me Direction"
So I studied my ass off to become an Aircraft Maintenance Engineer.
I actually got top marks, and started to think "this is it",
until I missed out on my dream job.
I was absolutely crushed.
Finding work as a civilian was not as easy as I thought it was going to be.

Shortly after, I reluctantly worked a highly repetitive job as a weapons maintainer
(the same job as I did in the Army but now as a civilian),
to keep the bills paid.
But
Deep down, I was crumbling,
Dead On The Inside,
and secretly hoping for a better opportunity.
But no job was ever posted.I had one small glimmer of good news in my otherwise gloomy existence.
I was allowed to listen to whatever I wanted at work.
This is when I decided to get serious about learning how to crawl out this self created prison.So I started to go down the rabbit hole of self development.
Obsessively, spending hundreds of hours studying
cold approach pickup "game" and what it takes to be a purposeful confident man.◆My mundane career of checking rifle after rifle, finally came to an end when my contract expired.
I studied so hard, but had no success despite learning heaps. I lacked action. Burnout really started to take its toll.
Unemployed, I had no choice but to moved back in with mum - yet again.My life kept finding ways to be worse. Throwing one hardship after another at me.I felt like the whole world just kept shitting on me.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't find a place where I fitted in.
It felt like I was trapped and going in circles.This was my rock bottom.
Well at least that's what I thought...◆It seemed like a good idea at the time, but
Moving back in with mum was a terrible idea,
but back then I thought it would give me more time to learn self development and to work out what my next move would be.
So I continued to spend months studying self development and doing my own "release/progress videos" on my own, as I believed would help me orientate myself.Foolishly believing that information and positive self talk alone would transform me.But really it just accelerated my demise.

See, little did I know,
that the more I learnt,
the more I worked out the gap between who I was,
and who I needed to be.
This gap to just "find normal again" kept growing and everything became overwhelming.
It actually
made me even more stressed and riddled me with crippling anxiety.The weight of thinking I was worth more,
while at the same time feeling like a failure,
only deepened my depression as I wasn't living up to my potential.At times I would get angry and frustrated.
I was angry because I wasn't taught the concept of purpose sooner in life.It seemed to me that changing into the best version of yourself was not normal human behavior
and even discouraged by many.Why wasn't this taught in school!? I felt lied to.My mother’s unconditional love unintentionally made me lazy. She tolerated my sadness and lack of motivation. Life was easy, I could easily get by doing very little.So for months I did basically nothing - completely purposeless...

If I wasn't repairing whipper snippers (like a bum and as a means of distraction),
I would drown my sorrows in tonnes of movies and porn, seeking escape from the pain.
I could have started drinking again,
but I stayed away from the bottle because I didn't want to become enraged and abusive towards my mother.

At times there would be a glimmer of hope, and in a moment of courage, I posted this sad video on my Facebook.
Hoping someone would come save me.
But no one came to help me,
and I actually lost what I thought were close friends in the process.
This just made things even worse.◆

Over the months that followed, I continued to deteriorate.
My life came crashing down in ways I couldn't have possibly predicted.
Spending up to 16 hrs a day bed ridden,
16 hours a day bed-ridden.
Completely overwhelmed.
Tears my only friend, crying myself to sleep.I despised the person who I had become,
and all my hope of becoming anything significant had vanished.Was my mother worried about me?
Not really.
In her mind "as long as you are home, you are safe."
Outside of her comprehension, she didn’t have the context that her own son wanted to self destruct.Mum being Asian, it's in her nature and her background that,
if she can’t see it, it’s not there.
◆

I was in the worst headspace.
Constantly riddled with toxic thoughts and brain fog.
Also, I couldn't look myself in the mirror anymore,
I wore sunglasses in the house alot,
I knew every word of every depressing song by "Falling In Reverse", "Seether" "Breaking Benjamin" "Papa Roach" and "Linkin Park"but the most dangerous thing was thatI started to feel JOY and excitement of the idea that if I ended my life, where ever I went after, I would find peace.I had reached my true "rock bottom"

And so, I made the decision that 2017 was going to be my last year alive.
Around September, I began planning and fantasizing how and where I would end it all.
I figured that drowning myself at the beach would be an ok way to go.

I took this selfie around this time as a reminder to myself that if somehow,
some way,
in the unlikely event, I made it out, and found a reason for being,
I would have something to look back on.

I took this selfie around this time as a reminder to myself that if somehow,
some way,
in the unlikely event, I made it out, and found a reason for being,
I would have something to look back on.

Also being such a calculated man, I thought I would spitefully leave the image with my suicide letter.See even with no hope, in my darkest moments,
I still clung to this idea that I was different.
Keeping my expensive sports-car and hanging on to the last piece of identity outside myself was an example of this.Maybe this was ego talking,
but maybe I just couldn't handle how bad my life had gotten.I was completely broken.My spirit had been sucked out of me.My courage was non-existent.◆One gloomy day in October, something snapped in me,
this time I cracked.Today I dangerously had the courage to do it.In a fit of anger, I punched a hole in the wall, and stormed out crying, determined to follow though with my plan to end all the pain.Today I was Ready to Die."I'll walk to the beach and put my head underwater...""This is the excuse I need to finally do it and end it all..."As I passed the park, still balling my eyes out, something compelled me to stop walking.I sat there, in the park confused, hoping to find some solace and resolve.After 10 mins of crying my eyes out,
things became still.And in that stillness,
something REMARKABLE happened...I got present and calmed down,Life paused, Life stopped.I looked down the hill in the direction I would need to go to do it.
It would’ve been an easy walk.
Just to get it over and done with.But somehow,
deep inside me I found the smallest bit of courage.There were 2 curious thoughts."What if I'm making the wrong decision here?""What if I could get better?"In that moment I had my life saving epiphany.And with only these 2 thoughts, I chose to look back at the hill of which I had come.I had no idea how I was going to recover,
I thought I had learnt and tried everything,.
But
I got up,
and started to walk,
- HOME.

◆
BOUNCING BACK FROM ROCK BOTTOM
◆

Relief washed over me for the next few weeks, but the feeling of emptiness lingered.I knew that something had to change.I NEEDED A PURPOSE,
a "reason" to live,
so I could rediscover the excitement of life.It was an uphill battle, however over the next couple of years I ramped up the study even more and reinvented myself.I overhauled every part of my life.I figured
"If I'm not going to kill myself, then I probably should optimize what I can and let go of what I can't."
(At the time I didn't know the full power of this one thought)I made it my mission to work out
"the things I needed to learn regardless of what direction I would ultimately take",
(and regardless of my current feelings.)For now I had a Rough plan.This is where my favourite motto "rough plan or no plan, take your pick" was born.

This finally gave me a level of purpose I could handle.I worked out that
I knew too much to turn around.To go back to mediocrity would eat me up for the rest of my life, if I didn't at least try for bigger things, life would seem meaningless.So eventually after not seeing any other option,
I became completely obsessed with studying 3 things:

1. Double Down and Study everything I could find on personal development, "game", and how to live a PURPOSEFUL life.I questioned EVERYTHING.
From the chemicals in my drinking water,
the thought processes I had,
even my very existence.
Everything was under the microscope.2. Learning to "let go" and process my traumas, and3. Building an eCommerce business that would later fail.

I started to have direction again, and from that, I slowly built back and improved my self esteem and confidence.Driven by my stubbornness and lack of financial resources,I foolishly believed I could work this out all on my own.
I thought books and watching YouTube videos would be enough.See there were so many self proclaimed internet "gurus" that taught some form of self actualization.
But the truth is none of them explained the step by step process in order to actually change.In retrospect,
I should have sold off my expensive project sports-car and
PAID A COACH TO HELP ME.
But my ego still had such a hold on my mind.

I just couldn't sell the dam supra!I underestimated the magnitude of the challenge, and
watching more content just made this more overwhelming and confuzing.I had no idea that it would take this long to understand how to live a purposeful life.I didn't know the right questions to ask,
I had no one to look up to,
to guide me,
and thus I wasted years of my life fumbling around with no guidance, making one mistake after another.

◆
Some weeks were productive.
Other weeks, I would suffer with chronic fatigue syndrome.But gradually I started to see progress.I would watch personal recordings of myself from months and years prior and felt a sense of achievement when I recognized
"I don't think those negative thoughts anymore"What I discovered through years of studying, was that purpose always came back to "the why" and "the more".And in order to live a fulfilling life,You must have a strong why and be striving towards something significant and meaningful to you.

To logically justify your reason for existence.To find "the why" requires brutal self honestly, and to get answers to deep questions.I found that alot of what I was learning would cover the "what and why" of discovering your purpose, but not "the how", and this really frustrated me.
Additionally alot of the content was full of religion and WOO WOO ways of thinking, and this confuzed my logical engineering brain.◆Time Passed,
I continued to fail,
but I kept getting up and going anyway.
Every time I failed at a business I'd learn something and then apply it to the next business.Eventually through all these repetitive failures and slow progress,
I began to learn exactly what doesn't work when it comes to discovering your purpose,
how to decipher it logically,
and the exact questions to ask in order to become a focused, stoic and purposeful man.I didn't know it at the time, but I learnt so much about this topic that it would form the foundations for my deciphered program.

Now many years later,
after painful trial and error,
and spending thousands of long hours in my head,
stewing,
calculating,
- I've found my gift.

My ability to see spirituality from a practical standpoint, and to explain what purpose is, logically, to others on this journey.I didn't know that locked away behind all the mess,
was this guy.A man that has a deep desire for the service of other men,
to find their why,
so that they can live a fulfilling life without having to go through the same suffering I endured.Not all can be saved.But the ones that can,I will use my second chance at life to help them!I know my PURPOSEIt is to help you discover your PURPOSE

◆And why do I tell you all this?Because when I was at rock bottom,
it was other peoples stories of
"rock bottom" and how they escaped out of it,
that gave me hope that I could also get myself out.There is nothing more empowering and exciting to me than helping other men work out who they are.(Well maybe except for "game" and drifting haha)
but spiritually
this is it.
I've found my place in the world, and let me tell you
it feels amazing, it's liberating!I want to share the thoughts and concepts that got me here, with you.
So you can do this with less pain and time wasted.I've done what your looking to do.
And becauseof it,I can explain it in a way only someone like me can decipher.It CAN BE DONE!
but don't make the same painful mistake I did andNOT GET HELP!I can GUARANTEE that it will cost you years of your life, (like it did for me), andyour life will be a pile of turds.Just because it's possible on your own, doesn't mean you should do it on your own.So if you're on the "come up", and you know that there's untapped potential inside of you,
and if you are ready to get started with answering the existential questions,
then let's schedule a chat.LETS DISCOVER YOUR PURPOSE"WHAT YOU MUST DO BEFORE YOU DIE."I wait for you to be courageous and take this first step.CLICK THE BUTTON BELOWYour Friend and Mentor
Dice Bran

• Yes, I want to work with you

• No thanks, I'd rather do it myself